177# | Can't Sleep

There was a man and his eyes were red,

from all the tears to night he shed,

there was a man and he was quiet,

but in his soul he fought a riot.

There was many and he was small,

and despite his writings on the wall,

the world got on him.

Now he's dead.

No one bothered to make a call,

to ask him,

what is wrong?

No one wanted to hang along,

just use up. And fuck up.

When you think your hands are shaking,

they are.

Too deep.

176# | Little Smoke

Clocks are ticking,

so fast.

World is spinning like a whipping-top that gone mad,

on itself.

I am not alone, myself, who sees and observes this spectacular show.

Thankfully. We see it all, in slow motion. 

Seasons change, leaves die and grow again, they don't care.

Whole reality is submerged, in waters so murky,

that you can't find the surface.

You are losing your breath.

Everything slowly suffocates, under a kind nodding of everyones heads,

shaking hands, accepting the fate.

You can't hear me, and you're near,

but still it's the same -

few centimeters equals miles and lightyears away,

when beyond my reach.

And it's just a little smoke out the midnight window,

a silent night watch of the last real time of the day,

when the world is still and true under a cloudy sheet,

a tip of the cigarette, only listening to your tales,

is what holds you above the surface of the sea of sorrows,

that everyone fell for.

Not giving up, I still believe,

that your eyes are not closed forever.

175# | Rememberance

Soon, the rain will cleanse the world of its desire,
to pour itself in the watery embrace of the heavens,
and the souls are filled both with respect and curiosity,
looking on the walls of clouds marching in.


In the dark you see many things different,
creepier and hostile,
shapes of the summer leaves on the top of the forest foliage,
looking silently over the malevolent black mass,
when its still just the woods you know.


If there is a way I can go on,
lead me to it, because it wont be soon before long,
and this numbness will drive me mad.
I know I cant go back even though my heart leads me there,
I cant because these door are closed

and there aint no pick I know to set them loose.

174# | Pitchblack

Things changed. 

The pieces moved and cards have been shuffled. Honestly, its all pretty fucked. Since sometime...not long ago, when everything went all the way to the bottom, I am losing trust in people. I miss my belief in world, in things, in life. In the past, everything was so beautifully simple, and actually more intense and bright and new and...happier. Then you fall, then you fall again, after that, you wont even get up. You lie on the floor and try to survive. You grew numb, like a stone in the river, you erode, everything smooths. The lights go out late, and sun is annoying. Breath gets heavy and music is sad.

On your knees you just wait for a lift, for a helping hand. Hours become days, days become weeks. Weeks slide into months and its years the next time you look. Your balance is shaken. Like a pair of scales, one bowl is full of everything you suck in yourself through the days, while the other one...is empty. Things fall apart so quick, and you have to hide. You embrace yourself, withdraw against the flood of sudden evil, yet you dont realise, that this is a two-edged sword. Since your perception doesnt differ between good and evil, both is suspended. And it cycles itself, when the helping hand suddenly comes, and you wont be able to reach it. 

Well.

I feel like I am in a rush. Everything runs so quick and I just keep swimming, I just keep swimming...and I hope this pool has a happy end. 

You know, once in this point, Id say...if I fall this time, I am done. That this would turn me into ashes and the ruin of me would be complete. But I fear...that I will just shrug my shoulders, and breathe on. 

I need a reset.

I need to find my way back

so I can give you everything I got left in me

so I can play this game a little longer

for that would be a reason to go on