147# | Honestly I Was Never Good At This

       When I said how shitty is it for the hunderedth time, I found out that I am in a quite confident situation. In fact, I think I was spinning in the void for so long that I almost forgot how it feels to be happy again. However, it comes with a price. May I had learn from the tumbles of the past, one, as I have experienced many times, can never be sure he won't make mistakes even worse again. But the feeling that I can be more sure of things to expect, gives me slight soothing piece of desillusion that nothing can go wrong. Well, as long as it will help me stay cool, why not. But in the heart I feel that I am again sledging on a slope so fast that I can't see where am I going, neither what I've left behind me. I just enjoy the ride. Hopefully it won't lead me any worse than hell.

146# | Will This Ever End?

Does this lead somewhere better?

Or is my fate being recycled again and again?

For world truly is smaller than it seems,

and every once and while I realize that I fear my past,

because I by myself weaved it through my life,

and there is no way how to separate it,

without destroying it whole.